It Always Gets Worse, Before It Gets Better 1

It Always Gets Worse, Before It Gets Better

I’ve been meaning to write this post for months, but I just couldn’t bring myself to do it. This year has been difficult. My family has been dealing with a heartbreaking and devastating situation involving my younger brother since late last year. He’s easily my favorite person on the planet, so it make it really tough, but that story isn’t mine to tell, so I’ll save that for a time when it’s appropriate.

At my six week check-up after giving birth to Harry in January, I got some news that my doctor found what could be pre-cancerous cells in my uterus. That turned into a fourmonth long period of preventative treatments and medication that cost more than $10K. It wiped out all the money we been saving, so that fun. Fortunately, my in-laws stepped in and helped out a lot. Speaking of in-laws, J and I got married on May 1st. We kept it simple and did it with a Justice of the Peace, and went out with our kids and parents for wings afterwards. It was great, and so us.

In early June we found out we were pregnant with Baby #4. A few days later, we had a miscarriage (7 weeks) the day before I was to fly to Denver to meet up with my dad, and support my younger brother in his situation. We’re not sure if it was stress or side effects of the treatment I had been on. Either way, the ER doctor had horrible bedside mannner, so I got up and walked out of the hospital without being discharged; still miscarrying. The next day, I got on a plane and flew to Denver. The whole time I was there, I was losing our baby. It sucked, but family is EVERYTHING to me, and there was no way I wasn’t going to show up for my brother. Even if he had been on the moon, I would have gone.

After a few days dealing with the stressful stuff in Denver, and the miscarriage, I was back home in Dallas. My traumatic year was halfway done, and I still hadn’t reached a breaking point. It definitely took a toll and I learned how hard marriage is. I won’t ever judge someone else’s situation from the outside looking in, I can tell you that much. Around that time, I found out I was suffering from PTSD and depression, due to all the chaos and medical treatments. I opted to forego meds, and deal with it in my own way. It was tough but I’m doing much better. Today, I have no signs of PTSD and my depression is completely under control.

In November, we found out we are pregnant again…yay. It was totally unexpected and scary, but exciting. We held off  on telling family, because of the prior miscarriage, but we’re slowly starting to share it with them.

I had been losing a lot of hair in one spot on my head, as a result of the medication I’d taken earlier in the year to treat the pre-cancerous cells. By early December, it had gotten so bad that I pulled out the clippers, put a #3 guard on it, and cut off all my hair. It’s hard to look in the mirror these days, but I’m sure it’ll grow back. At least, I hope it will.

I’m about 11-12 weeks pregnant now, and I’ve been suffering from HG (Hypermesis Gravidarum) since around my fourth week. It really sucks, but the doctor say this is the sign of a healthy pregnancy. In that case, I’ll take it. I’m guessing it’s a boy, since I had a pretty rough pregnancy with Harrison. J thinks its a girl. I sense a bet coming.

The HG is pretty severe, so I’ve been on doctor-ordered bed rest for weeks now. Fun.

Oh, and my very expensive MacBook Pro died an slow painful death. Thank GOD for my husband, who made it his business to get me back up and running, days before Christmas.

Despite this being the WORST year of my life, I’m still here, and determined to make 2018 the best year of my life. Isn’t there a saying about it being darkest, just before dawn? It would be pretty damn great if we could get some dawn around here…just saying.



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